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Please don’t. It’s too intimate.” And a blowjob isn’t? he wondered. As if she’d read his thoughts, she wiped her tears on the sleeve of her shirt and explained, “Giving you head was about me. It was something I needed, and I apologize for using you to get it. Hugging you, being comforted by you ... those make it about us. I can’t be ‘us’ when I have to remember how to be his.”“I don’t really understand, but let’s put that aside for now. Is there anything I can do for you?”“You just did it. You let me come over and suck your cock...” she mimicked his earlier glance at the clock, though he doubted she really needed to do so “ ... about fifty minutes before my husband will pull into our driveway, expecting to be greeted by a kiss and a loving embrace.”“Isn’t that ... aren’t you... ?” He was teetering on the verge of observing how incredibly disrespectful her actions seemed, despite the benefits he’d just enjoyed, but judged it an unwise rhetorical road to travel. Especially coming from. My mouth was dry and I literally trembled. I couldn't simply buy it because it was behind the vendor in the shack, I couldn't reach for it, I'd have to ask him to get it for me - he'd think I was queer! He'd know I was. I walked away, trying desperately to keep my knees from failing me. I walked and walked, my mind focused on that newspaper but foggy to the world. "OK. I can't get it from there, but where else can I get it from? Think think!"I entered the large, anonymous newsagent at the train station on my way home. Both my hands leaked sweaty rivers as I quickly scanned the top row of the magazines and newspapers. As I read the banner, "Gay News", my quivering fingers reached for and grasped my prize. Without breathing, I span around and stumbled to the cashier to pay. "Oh fuck, there's a queue!" What to do? Drop it and run? Keep it and run? Yeah, just run out with it! That way the cashier won't see it and know that I'm one of 'them', one of the queers that people talk about in.
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